Embrace the Suck

I read this article recently and it really hit home. 

The things I love about horses can also be the things I absolutely hate about horses. I love the feeling of accomplishment that you feel when you finally get something right, but man, does it totally suck along the way when you feel like everything you do is wrong and nothing is going the way you want.

The past 2 weeks, I have literally felt like I knew absolutely nothing about dressage. When I would ride Dieter, it felt like I was doing everything wrong. Everything. I couldn't get him to get in front of my leg. I couldn't get him to maintain the contact through the transitions. I couldn't sit the canter. I couldn't get any bend. I couldn't get a decent free walk (and that's ALWAYS been our best gait). I couldn't figure out how the heck to do a half-hault. I couldn't keep my hands in one place without hitting him in the mouth every trot stride. I couldn't trot without nagging him every stride with my leg. I couldn't stay in control of my dang unruly left hand. I felt like the part of my life that brings me the most fun and enjoyment was causing me strife and frustration.

Two steps forward, one step back. We all know the phrase, but it totally felt like we had taken one step forward and twenty steps back. I had no idea where to begin in the battle to regain what we had lost. What should I address first? Him? His responsiveness? Contact? Bend? Me? My left hand? Posture? I know that it's best to really focus on one thing every ride, but it felt like everything was just falling apart.

Hopefully this doesn't make me sound too depressing and I'm not the only horse person in the world who's had this thought, but I definitely thought it:
Dieter would be better off with another rider. Someone who knows what they're doing and has trained a horse before. Someone who's more confident in his or her riding and can bring him along the levels faster. He's an awesome horse with incredible potential, and I'm ruining him.

And then I realized that if he wasn't with me, yes, he might be with someone who can bring him along the levels faster and knows what they're doing. However, he might also be with someone who tries to put him in a lesson program or puts him out on pasture without a job for the rest of his life or isn't able to afford the appropriate vet or farrier needs for him or anything else that would make him unhappy or unsafe. And we've all got to learn somewhere. He's a good horse for me... very tolerant of me when I make mistakes and most likely will not blow up at me when I make a big mistake and pick a fight. He and I are developing quite the relationship- he doesn't run away from me when I go to get him from the pasture anymore! I think he's happy with me and enjoys his job.

Wednesday night, we were riding dressage at Willow Creek. I thought we were doing alright and then the suckage hit all at once. I had trouble doing every single thing I was trying to do, and it felt like we were unraveling. I literally felt like I knew nothing about riding or dressage. Chris rode Dieter for about 10 minutes and made him look fantastic. He was listening to her leg and maintaining contact, and then I felt even worse about myself. Clearly, the issue was with me. I was the common denominator between the suck. I got back on him, and we had a bit of improvement but nothing to write home about. All I did was trot to the left and try to feel when he was bowing out his right shoulder on the circle, concentrating on counter-bending & leg-yielding on the circle. It seemed to be getting better, but we were both exhausted from the fight and decided to call it a night.

Then last night (Thursday), I decided to ride dressage again to see if any of our improvement was lasting. It was the first time I rode in a few weeks when it actually felt like I knew what I was doing. I focused on keeping my reins short, catching him when he bowed his shoulder to the outside/when we had too much inside bend, keeping my left hand in check by making sure my whip rested on my thigh, and getting him in front of my leg by using thigh for slow/halt, calf for up transitions, and inside leg for forward within the gait and reprimanding him when he decided to change the tempo within the gait without me asking (usually by being lazy and trying to slow down). Everything went as planned. We had a beautiful ride! Trot/walk transitions in each direction were going well, and he was even keeping the connection! Cantering on the circle without him bowing out the shoulder by staying on the circle despite a more direct outside rein- thinking of riding circles more as squares than circles per say. Maintaining the tempo at the trot without me nagging him. And then we found the trouble- no right bend. But you know what... I'd rather have one problem than what seemed like 400 the night before! We're figuring it out!

It feels like things are starting to turn around. I just have to constantly remind myself that it's not going to happen overnight. And that in horses, there's always improvement to be made. I will never have it all correct. There's always something that can be improved. Always. And then on top of that, horses are like humans. We all have our good days and our bad days. You have to just hope that the good days outweigh the bad days and the improvements override the regressions. And they will. Over time. It helps to remember why we started loving horses in the first place and remembering that few people get to have the pleasure we do of riding and showing and literally living the dream! What we get to do every day is such a blessing and so unbelieveably cool. I wouldn't have it any other way. So I have decided to embrace the suck, knowing that it will not last forever (even when it feels like it will).

Where to Start? Where to Start?

I feel like Dieter deserves his own blog, so here goes. The beginning of our story can be found on Coco's blog. Dieter and I started our relationship in November of 2015 when I rode him in a Morey Nicholson clinic because Coco was lame.

We did the winter series at West End Farm in KC, Kansas, and we ended up doing pretty well. With a 2nd, a 5th, and two 1sts, we ended up the reserve champion in the starter combined test division by .2 points. It was a close one!

Since then, we've done a lot more dressage schooling shows and started our eventing careers. We've been taking it slowly, not because of his incompetence, but because of my nerves. For some reason, when I'm on a horse I'm not as familiar with, 2 foot starter cross country jumps look like advanced jumps.

Dieter was trained in dressage, but seems to be picking up jumping well and really enjoying it! We've been going higher and higher and he really seems to like cross country schooling.

We failed miserably at the Mill Creek Horse Trials at Longview Horse Park in KCMO where I fell off between the start box and the 1st XC jump (I had no idea where to begin with showing a green horse and didn't take it nearly as seriously as I should have), but we made up for our mistakes at the Queeny Park Horse Trials in STL with a 5th place finish in the starter division.

Dieter got most of the month of July and August off because of hot weather around KC and my focus on Coco while we got ready for Catalpa Corners Horse Trials in the beginning of August.

At the first MVPC XC schooling at Longview of the fall (the weekend of 8/14), we started out jumping starter jumps and finished doing BN combinations with ease. Dieter attacked the jumps. He absolutely loved it.

Dieter decided to go and scare the crap out of me and choke last Tuesday (8/16). He had to be tubed and I opted to let him stay the night at the vet so he could be in a controlled environment. It took some work to rehab him, but he was ready to go for the MACTA horse trial the next weekend.

We did the starter division HT at a MACTA schooling show (8/21) and got 2nd place!

The Heritage Park Horse Trial is coming up at the beginning of October, and I've signed Dieter up for the beginner novice division. We're planning on schooling the beginner novice XC jumps next weekend and seeing how he does. Worst comes to worst, we can always drop down to starter. Then hopefully we can do the BN division at Windmere Horse Trials at Longview at the end of October.

We'll see what the future brings, but Dieter and I are slowly learning more and more about each other and building a stronger relationship. We'll get there. He's a pretty cool dude.

"I don't think you need to be doing starter anymore." -Chris Pope

Dieter and I had an awesome weekend schooling at Heritage Park in Olathe, KS. We decided to take Dieter on Saturday to school all the beginner novice jumps (seeing as we're planning on doing the BN recognized horse trial in October). He was an absolute rockstar! We started with a starter jump and then never looked back. He did all the beginner novice jumps they have to offer. He happily cantered into the water. We even played with banking up out of water and down into water and he couldn't care a bit. He was absolutely perfect. He didn't stop at anything. He didn't look at anything. The jumps were no problem. If anything, he was looking at transitions, things like a butterfly that flew through our path, or the treeline with shadows, or the fallen jump in the distance that was no where near where we were headed. The jumps were phenomenal. Check out the compilation YouTube video here.

Then on Sunday, we did the beginner novice combined test. We warmed up fine. I'm too abrupt with my transitions and not consistent enough in my requests and reprimands. And then there's the problem of that pesky left hand that does whatever it wants. I'll work on it, and hopefully we can get it fixed for October. When we went into the test, I totally lost my brain. I was using indirect rein. My reins got too long. I really wasn't asking for what I wanted. I rode too much with my hands and not enough with my legs. We had inconsistent connection. It was kind of a mess. But we walked away with a 37.25. Then I had to do a quick tack change and ride Coco.

I decided to ride Dieter first in the jumping, because I wanted to make sure I had enough of a warm up with him whereas with Coco, I would probably be ok with a shorter warm up. When they raised the jumps to BN height, my heart dropped a bit. The jumps looked big! But nothing we haven't done before. We jumped the warm up cross rail several times before we came to the vertical. Our first attempt at the warm up vertical, I dropped him 2 strides in front of the fence and he skidded into the jump, but jumped obediently. I realized that I needed to suck it up and freaking ride my horse instead of freaking out about the height. He was perfect the rest of the warm up. He jumped everything well.

We went into our stadium round and he put on a clinic. He did fabulously. He didn't look at anything. He jumped everything perfectly. We need to work on lead changes after fences, but he figured it out eventually. He's a quick study. We went double clear to get first place in the combined test. Good boy, Dieter. (Check out our stadium round here) After that, I had to ride my 20 year old fire breathing dragon.... see Coco's blog.

After Coco was finished, we drove home and Dieter was a fiesty little red head as I gave him a lineament bath before I turned him out. He happily rolled and joined his buddies in the field.